Everyone goes through rocky times in their lives. I’ve found it’s these times that help us understand what it is we really want, and what we feel is really important. If we’re honest we will eventually end up where we need to be.

There have been many times in the last 10 years where things have piled high at the same time. By “things”, I mean possibilities, pitfalls and life-changing situations. Right now is one of those times. It seems like a million possibilities and pitfalls lie before me and my family, and we’re doing our best to figure out how to navigate from one thing to the next.

Prior to 2007, these situations would often tip me into a strong anxiety attack or a bout of depression. These are two things I’ve dealt with since before I was 10. In 2007, I found cycling and in turn I lost a lot of weight. I immersed myself in it, wanting to learn more and achieve more until it had woven itself into the fabric of my life. Since then I haven’t had an anxiety attack, and while depression still sets in from time to time, it doesn’t settle so deep.

Lately I’ve been struggling to find a balance between family life and cycling life. There have been a lot of discussions about the time I have and how it’s spent. I’m making efforts to remove some things from my life to help tip the scales back to level. The hardest part about this process is that these efforts take time. Commitments can’t be dropped. People are counting on me to follow through.

Something I’m learning from this process is how much I need cycling right now. That’s a very hard thing to realize, because while it’s providing me with a lot of joy it’s also providing my family with a lot of strain. I’m training hard and seeing results. I’m spending time fixing, building and maintaining bikes. All of these things I consider therapy as much as a hobby. It keeps my mind sharp and my body healthy. Anxiety and depression that used to surge through me are now few and far between.

However, this help has brought about new stresses. Every hour I spend on the bike or working on bikes is an hour away from my family. I wish it could include my family, but the reality is that my passion for all things bikes has grown separately from them. It’s an outlet that helps me stay sane and as a direct result it is pulling at the seams of what I naively thought were unbreakable bonds.

These are scary realizations. At times I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Other times I feel like cycling has pulled me from a lifetime of obesity and depression, and that it couldn’t be more right. I want to work to put my family in that position, to make them the therapists instead of the bikes. But they’re not a neutral party. Sometimes I need hours of pedaling or wrenching to work through the issues I have with them and everything else. As the “things” in our life pile higher, the more I need the outlet.

In due time we will find out if those efforts to pair down and level the scales pay off. If my family life and cycling life need to be separate, I will have to work very hard toward affectively walking the line between these two halves. Right now I feel like I need them both to live a happy life.

When on the trainer, don’t put the remote in your jersey pocket with the IR blaster facing up.

This should be self explanatory, but it isn’t, so I’ll elaborate with a little story.

Today I was partaking in my Intensity!™ training ride in the basement. I had the CTS video “Cycling for Power” on. Being that this is my only video, I know it like I know what makes me want to throw up. This would be helpful in my situation, but remember this is Intensity!™, and therefore my brain is deprived of oxygen.

I had completed the power interval ladder and was halfway through the second half, steady-state/power interval… er, intervals. I’m recovering, I’m feeling good about the second interval which consists of a three minute steady state and two minute power interval. To clarify, by “feeling good” I mean “I don’t want to kill myself”. I’m prepping emotionally for the three minute steady state, and so it begins.

Coach Jason is our coach for this hour long hurt fest, and I’ve come to both love and hate Jason. I know exactly what he’s going to say. It’s as if we’re linked like those giant blue bastards in Avatar. Jason says jump, and I weep softly as I do so.

As I’m settling in to the three minute steady-state interval, I hear my beloved Jason say the words “power interval”. I’m all like, “wha?” and look up, to see the words “power interval” and a two minute timer. Again, I’ve done this video more times than I have toes and fingers on which to count. I should know where the hell I am, but obviously I am not clear on what Coach Jason wants of me. So I gear up and do the power interval. This is where shit gets trippy.

My oxygen deprived brain started to attempt to put it all together: “I could have sworn I was on steady-state! Maybe not. Wait… did I black out? Did I black out and miss the steady-state?? How is that possible? How am I still on the bike? Is Coach Jason Jesus? He kinda looks like Jesus. His hair isn’t long enough. He’s counting down. Rapture? No, recovery. Good. ‘Three… two… one…’, recover! Thank the Lord, Coach Jason!”

As I start to recover, and oxygen gets re-introduced into my starving brain, I glance at the clock. Coach Jason has taken me back in time! I know, KNOW, that I was 10 minutes ahead of this. What the hell is he doing? And then it hits me… the remote. I fast forward to where I was previously and finished the video.

I know what you’re thinking, “You’re a dumbass.” This is true, however, my point is still valid. Having the remote in your jersey pocket facing up and likely toward the television as you’re hunched over in power interval hell is dangerous to your sanity.

You can thank me later.

“The lunge is a weight training exercise that is used to strengthen the quadriceps muscles, gluteal muscles and the muscles comprising the “hamstrings“, the semitendinosus, the semimembranosus, and the biceps femoris. A long lunge emphasizes the glutes whereas a short lunge emphasizes the quadriceps.”

(via Wikipedia)

See how I emphasized “gluteal muscles” up there? That’s not just ’cause it means butt (heh), it’s ’cause MY GLUTEAL MUSCLES FEEL LIKE THEY’RE GOING TO FALL OFF. Those other muscles hurt, too. In a good way.

After week 2 of training (week 1 of the hardcore stuff), I am already seeing results. I am slimming down a little bit at a time, however I’m not losing much weight yet. That’s to be expected. I haven’t altered my diet that much.

Trainer time is hard, especially the two hour moderate rides. Staying stationary and riding for that long is a true test of my mental ability to stay stationary and ride for that long. It’s brutal, and the time passes so very slowly after about an hour.

I’m learning a lot about how my body works. Training with a heart rate monitor allows me to see what it means to be warmed up, what happens when I push myself with intervals, and how controlling one’s heart rate is very difficult. I’m learning what I need to do to get my heart rate to where it needs to be, and how hard I have and have not been working in the past.

Winter is almost in full swing. Continuing this routine will be good, and it will be challenging. I look forward to the tears.

Some things I’ve participated in between my last post and this new shiny post:

• Self supported tour from my front door to Ipperwash Beach, Ontario. 98 of the hottest miles I’ve ever ridden.
• Tree Farm Relay – Our team took 10th, and I experienced intoxication and hangover in a span of about 6 hours.
• Stony 6 hour endurance race – My boy Brian and I took 2nd. Brian is strong like bull.
• Addison Oaks Chapter Benefit – I crashed. There was blood. Hurty blood.
• Iceman Cometh – placed just out of the top 3rd out of 100 Sport/Expert Clydesdales. This renewed my interest in racing.

Early in the season I burned out. I started training for Lumberjack too late, and after I quit halfway through my drive to compete was drowned out. I continued to ride a lot and accomplish some things that I am very proud of, but I didn’t race much. I just squeeked by with 6 races (I am required to complete 5), and with the handful of organized rides I did on the side I had a decent season.

My drive to compete started to renew itself after the 6 hours of Stony Creek endurance race. I had a blast and remembered what it felt like to do well. After that, I decided to train fairly hard for Iceman. I started going hill repeats and longer rides, and a little bit of core work. I ended up shaving 12 minutes off my previous time and felt great doing so. I finished the race with the feeling that I wanted to race more. There’s only one problem: the season is over.

OK, OK, the season’s not over over. There’s still plenty of riding to be done, and if I really wanted to compete I could race cyclocross. But I don’t want to race cyclocross. So there.

I decided to take two weeks “off” and eat like a total jerk before starting at 12 month training program from my sponsor shop, Cycle to Fitness. I will meet with the shop owner once a month for 12 months, each month taking on a new series of training regimens and goals. I started out by filling in some info on goals I have for the next year, the next 5 years, and in the very long term. Daniel (the shop owner) will use this info to build a program that meets the short- and long-term goals.

I feel I need this type of motivation. He provides me with a schedule that I can manage, and I have no reason to back out. I’ve known for 4 days that I have to ride for 2 hours on the trainer tonight. So if I don’t, I have no excuse. I’ve planned for it, it’s in my mind and in my calendar.

This is what I like about this program and what I’m looking forward to. I love to ride, but sometimes the stress of trying to figure out when to squeeze the rides in gets to me. This program allows me to plan ahead and say, “I need to do this, it’s important.” Not only to myself, but to my (extremely supportive) family.

So, I will document the process here. It will be interesting to look back and see how I felt about it starting out as Daniel continues to smash my will to live.

On July 11th I rode in my second One Helluva Ride tour in Chelsea, MI. This ride is one of the best supported tours I’ve ever done, and each year is just as good as the last. Three of us went out for the 100 mile route. This was our first 100 mile ride, so we were PUMPED.

Rain was in the forecast and when we rolled into Chelsea it was pouring so hard I could barely see the road. We were all giving each other the side-eye, wondering what we were going to do if it kept up. As we pulled into the fairgrounds, the rain started to let up. We registered and ate some donuts.

As we were registering someone came in and exclaimed that the rain was over Lansing now and would clear up in 30 minutes. He was right. We headed out in a tiny drizzle and by the time we made it to the first stoplight it had stopped. The forecast from that point on was saying clear skies, and that’s just what we got.

About 8-10 miles in we hooked up with a group which included a tandem. We hammered in the paceline to the 25 mile mark, each pulling at around 22mph. We all took long turns pulling ‘casue it was the only way to stay dry. The water on the pavement was rooster-tailing off the tire in front of us, spraying our faces with dirty water. It was gross, but still fun to crank out the first quarter.

I dropped off at the first hard climb and met up with the guys soon after. We stopped for a rest, during which the sky really opened up and the sun was shining beautifully. We headed out for the next 25 in high spirits. As the sun got hotter it became harder to keep fluids in my body.

We rolled into the lunch stop feeling pretty good. Half way through, we ate some food and enjoyed the band. Before we headed back out I checked my rear wheel which had a patched tube. It was definitely loosing air, so I expected a flat at some point before the end of the ride. Of course, about 12 miles from the 3rd stop, my tire went flat. I did a quick change just as the SAG vehicle pulled a U-Turn and came by to check on us. The guy was great, checking the pressure and topping it off with a floor pump. We dragged ourselves to the next stop as we started to feel more and more exhausted.

We took our time at the final stop. We had just under 25 miles left and we were feeling it for sure. One we got some fluids and fuel, we headed out for the rest of the ride. The hills got me on this leg. I ended up crawling up and down each hill for the next 20 miles. At mile 93, I was struggling mentally and physically and felt the need to pull over. At that point I decided to get things done ASAP, so I put my head down and hammered out the last 7 miles. I went flying by Tom and Jer, who were well ahead of me. Jer caught up and passed me as Tom made is way up over the last 5 miles. With 1 mile to go, we started goofing off and tried sprinting to the finish.

As we came around one of the final turns Tom hit a patch of sand and went down hard. He tore his jersey and picked up some road rash on his shoulder, leg and hand. He bumped his head on the pavement and put a dent in his helmet. His bike was a bit twisted but nothing cracked or broken. He did end up with a tiny fracture on his wrist and will be wearing a light-weight brace for a couple of weeks. Sorry bro! :(

That was the last ride on the BMC Streetfire SSX that I’ve been riding over the last year. Here’s a pic from a few days after I picked it up:

2007 BMC Streetfire SSX

It’s an AWESOME bike, but not versatile enough. Where I live there are few shoulders and lots of dirt roads, so it was a once in a while bike. I was also commuting on a converted mountain bike, which wasn’t ideal. I decided to sell the mountain bike and part out the BMC to set up this rig:

It is also AWESOME. I was on the fence for a while about selling the BMC, but the more I ride the Surly the less I wonder if I’ll miss the road bike. It rides like a dream. With the big 40c tires it feels more like a 29er than a 700c road bike. It handles the gravel pathways and dirt roads with ease, and rolls quickly over hard pack and pavement. It’s obviously heavier than the BMC by a lot, but I love the versatility and utility of such a bike. So far I’m in love with it.

The new bike has sparked interest in touring and more heavy-duty commuting. Due to this newly found interest, my wife and I will be doing an experiment during the month of August to see if we can make do with one car and our bikes. We will put one car in “storage” and rely on a single car, with the bike making up a lot of the transportation throughout the month.

This probably wouldn’t seem like a great feat to folks used to riding in the city or bike-friendly communities, but we live in Metro Detroit (aka MOTOR CITY). I work 20 miles from where I live, and the roads here are not exactly bike friendly. I’m excited to see how far I can push relying on my bike in this environment. How will my body react? Will I find it too difficult, or will I be inspired to continue it into the early fall months? What will I learn about myself and my community, and my family’s ability to rely on less? I’m excited to find some answers to these questions and will be sharing them here as often as possible.