Winter is a bitter mistress. Since my last post I’ve only ridden once or twice, and likewise with the trainer. I’m gaining weight and losing energy. My motivation to move is losing it’s power over my motivation to eat. Emotional binging has become an issue again. Lots of ground lost.

While wallowing in my own self pitty, I came to a realization. I’ve been fat for a long time. That may sound harsh, but it’s true. I was fat, obese, and I worked really hard to change that. The realization that hit me is this: I have to learn to be skinny. Losing weight is obviously not perminent. People put weight back on, I’ve done it and I’m doing it again right now. What makes this time different is that I see what’s happening and I know how to stop it.

Being healthy is as much of a mind game as it is a physical one. Fall hit, things got busy and I got lazy. I stopped riding as much and started eating out more. My portions grew and the combined slippage caused 10lbs of weight gained and lots of earned fitness lost. This battle is year-long, 365 days, 24/7. It’s hard goddamn work.

Things are going to change starting right now. My wife and I are getting snowshoes and we’re going to start hiking again. I’m going to get on the trainer at least every other day for an hour, no matter how boring it is. I’m going to start regulating calories and planning meals, making lunches, anything I need to do to change my lifestyle. I refuse to gain the weight back. I refuse to ignore the signs I’ve ignored over and over.

This isn’t a New Year’s resolution, this is a lifetime resolution. I want to be a healthy dad and a healthy senior. Planning one’s health is more important than any planning one can do, more important than finances or college funds or retirement.

I’m learning that being fit takes challenging myself to try new activities and forgive imperfect conditions. I may not be able to afford the right equipment, but if what I have will help me be fit then I need to deal with it. A little pain now is worth it.

So I’ll be back here often to keep notes on my progress. Those of you reading this will have to put up with a lot of bitching about old equipment or things that I find annoying. What’s important is that I keep writing. If I don’t I may just slip back into the blinders that hid my problems for a long, long time. Thanks for listening.